Rants and Rambling

Filler Post #1

2008-05-30T21:25:00.003+08:00

I am in a dilemma. I find that I am not really able to write down serious matters that are close to me, and I find that writing about consequential issues that aren't really close to me feels like being pretentious. Hence, the lack of updates for this blog. It is true that blogging requires a certain vanity, and my kind of vanity does not extend much further than the mirror.

And here the filler post:

I had a dream
A traveler I was
Counting the numbers
Of each milestones passed
One, two, hundred, and no more
Infinity so far away
Ended was a travel
In a dream I had

No Country for Old Men

2008-05-24T21:52:00.002+08:00

I'm finally changing the template of this blog. Maybe not old just lazy. Once I used to have this blog on its own server, with its own template. First it was the server, and then the template, and lately it was the entries. I'm leaving it all behind, all those attempts of individualism were teenager's game. Simply, when you look back at what you did when you were younger, many things that you deemed important weren't really that important as you grow older.

Just an example, I used to complain about all those things that I should have done differently, particularly in JC. Like choosing science over arts, it all really seems trivial now. Excuses for decision that was your own, in the greater scheme of thing does it really matter? Probably more bragging rights, but that wouldn't last long anyway.

I watched the champions league final a few days ago, don't really hate or particularly like Chelsea, but if you should ever find yourself captaining a champion league finalist team one day and you happen to do take a penalty, make sure you do the following:

1. Spit at the ground, make sure the field is wet, even though it's raining anyway
2. Adjust your captain armband, make sure those cameras capture it and everyone watching know who's the captain
3. Cry if you miss

Opening Lines

2008-04-11T20:25:00.002+08:00

Some are long:

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way"

and some are short:

"Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendía was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice."

There are many opening lines, but none comes close as memorable as these two. It's a pity that nowadays my desire to read recently has waned. Prolonged reader's block maybe, or more truthfully probably it is decrease in attention span. Wikipedia seems to be the reading material of choice nowadays. My No Country Of Old Men's book is still lying untouched as brand new as it was bought.

Life Goes On

2008-03-05T18:37:00.004+08:00

Life goes on, despite its many hangovers.

Strawberry Fields Forever

2008-02-05T23:10:00.000+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98ZoPtIdR2I

The best part of Across The Universe.

Let me take you down, 'cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields.
Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about.
Strawberry Fields forever.

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see.
It's getting hard to be someone but it all works out.
It doesn't matter much to me.

Let me take you down, 'cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields.
Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about.
Strawberry Fields forever.

Always no sometimes think it's me, but you know I know when it's a dream.
I think I know I mean "Yes," but it's all wrong.
That is I think I disagree.

Let me take you down, 'cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields.
Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about.
Strawberry Fields forever.
Strawberry Fields forever.
Strawberry Fields forever.

3 1/2 years on

2008-01-15T22:01:00.000+08:00

Nothing changes much but more shopping malls sprouting. Can't speak much about the rest of south east asian cities, but it seems that you'd be forgiven to think we're in the midst of the great shopping malls race. Despite all this still, we're a generation raised on shopping malls, although we craves for something different, takes the shopping malls from our lives and the withdrawal symptoms kicks in.

So I was in Bandung lately, it's slightly ironic that the Dutch called this place Paris van Java when the traces of the colonial era does not present itself much. The closest you get is a namesake, but nothing more than a Bohemian wannabe shopping complex + restaurants. Another point of interest would be the place where they held the first African-Asian conference. It was surprisingly small, or just maybe for 1955 standard it was the building of its times.

Bump

2007-12-17T02:53:00.000+08:00

Disappointments come and go, but time heals everything. It's a screwed up initial feeling especially when you had gotten yourself looking forward. What a difference a week made. More importantly, all of this should be put behind, especially in dealing with things beyond your control.

Packing

2007-11-26T22:54:00.000+08:00

And packing seems always a melancholic thing to do, but tomorrow will be a better day.

Futurama

2007-11-08T19:28:00.000+08:00

I've found my renewed addiction for TV once more, especially Futurama. It was only a decades ago you can live without your internet, handphone. It wouldn't be an exaggeration now that the lack of them, especially the latter will induce symptoms common to those of withdrawal syndromes.

I truly believe that the notion of carpe diem often exists retrospectively. It doesn't matter what you're doing today, even if you know that you haven't been utilizing your time as efficiently as you should, or wasting time on time wasters. It is only when you look back you'll realize that all the wasteful sand you could have saved from the hourglasses could be channeled into filling another one. After all is said and done though, it is easier to put off what you can do today, tomorrow. Now, I vaguely remember about having to start to pack, but there's always a tomorrow, isn't it?

These Days

2007-11-01T21:42:00.000+08:00

Powderfinger - These Days

Its coming round again
The slowly creeping hand
Of time and its command
Soon enough it comes
And settles in its place
Its shadow in my face
Puts pressure in my day

This life well its slipping right through my hands
These days turned out nothing like I had planned

Its coming round again
The slowly creeping hand
Of time and its demands
It settles in its place
Its shadow in my face
Undignified and lame

This life well its slipping right through my hands
These days turned out nothing like I had planned
Control well its slipping right through my hands
These days turned out nothing like I had planned

Soon enough it comes
Soon enough it comes
To tie us down

All The Lost Souls

2007-10-18T01:13:00.000+08:00

James Blunt, Maroon 5's Adam Levine, high pitch is the new new symbol that probably if Barry Gibb were to sing in his falsetto now, he'll be this generation sex symbol. No complain though, since they are pretty good, but spare the world those karaokes. So far, a rendition resembling those of animals being slaughtered of James Blunt's High has to rank among the worst sounding noises I've heard.

Back in 2005 when I listened to the radio pretty often, I heard James Blunt's You're Beautiful playing over the radio. It was a few good months before the mass caught on with the song and became one of the most overplayed song in the radio. Although too much of anything isn't necessarily good, All The Lost Souls is a pretty good album. Like boy bands, only with more substance I guess he's one of those you either like or hate. There are no tracks that feel they are of the same mould of You're Beautiful, but it offers some catchy tunes, and surprisingly at time sounds like a song that a pre-disco Bee Gees would conceive.

Murphy's Law

2007-10-07T10:59:00.000+08:00

I am now convinced that Murphy's law should be the fundamental law of life. Everything that can go wrong indeed will go wrong. How is it that an e-mail came on the day after you checked it earlier. Forgot to check my inbox for two days and the next thing I knew I missed the deadline. Of course it was a rather short notice, but when this happens you can't but wonder on the way things are turning out.

Another assignments and potentially two articles to go by the end of next week or so and all that's left is the wait for Football Manager 2008. After what has been a busy week, the good news, soon this will be over (at least temporarily). Moreover, the latter two might be of a slight headache that sometimes I wonder why I wanted to do it in the first place.

I think the finer point of man management that sometimes get overlooked is getting people involved and instilling a sense of purpose. Pretty hard to posses that self motivation otherwise when you're questioning what you're doing all the time.

These Days

2007-10-01T20:09:00.000+08:00

What's this life anyway
What's it to you and me
What's it to anyone
Who are we suppose to be

Make me a storybook
And write me away from here
I need it different now

Where we can
Wear each other
For a while and I'll lend you my tears
If I could borrow your smile
And we'll get through tomorrow
Some other day
Happy after
Once upon these days

It's four roads to anywhere
Four ways to everything
We were unbreakable
We spoke our destiny
Lets take a moment now
Oh and go where we never go
Lets make a new world now

We're we can
Wear each other
For a while and I'll lend you my tears
If I could borrow your smile
And we'll get through tomorrow
Some other day
Happy after
Once upon these days

And then when though we'll find
What were looking back on this time
Wondering how we've come so far
From this and when we close our eyes

What's this life anyway
What's it to you and me
What are we doing here
And who are we suppose to be

I'll take a better world
Oh I'll take anything
I'll take out a little more now

Football

2007-09-22T01:33:00.000+08:00

Wonder why football is such a popular name that sports that are predominantly played by hands are called such. By no means this is a knock towards those sports, but I envision someone creative enough to think up a foolproof new sport. This new sport shall probably be a combination of badminton, tennis, boxing, golf, chess and shall be sold to the masses as football.

Holiday is pretty good except when your body clock starts to think that you are a part-owl or something and instead of sleeping, it compels you to write such thought provoking entry about how football should really be played using foot, etc. Global warming? who cares about such pointless stuff anyway unless you're a polar bear.

Elephant on the loose

2007-09-17T11:09:00.000+08:00

In response to various people mass e-mailing that they've lost their wallets, Thumb Drive on the uni e-mail system, a new fad of using the e-mail system as a lost and found service has emerged during the last few days. Below are some of the more interesting one:

Lost: Elephant
Hi Guys!
I've lost my elephant somewhere on campus, probably in the Baillieu Library.
It's not worth very much, but it is VERY important to me.
Here is a photo, please spam the mailing lists if you have found it!

In Reply, Re: Lost Elephant
15 KG of ivory for sale.
Cost to be determined by market price on day of sale.
Please advise by 31st September.

And for reasons unknown, more things have been disappearing from the uni...

Lost: Rewards Offered
Hi Everybody,
I've lost my favourite drink bottle. Its a 600mL plastic diet coke bottle
with the label ripped off.
If anybody has seen it can you please reply to this email. It has great
sentimental value
Reward offered

LOST reward money, reward offered
Hey guys,
I lost a standard issue of Farrago a day ago, in the brownless library 1st
floor on the table where booze is returned to sorting elves. It has great
sentimental value to me, seeing as how it kept me away from the rain. I
was going to offer a reward for it, but then i lost my reward money.
So i'll give a reward for those who find the reward money, thanks.
(to the guy who found the nest, i want my lab goggles back)

LOST: My Virginity
this is something that's really special to me. i would really like it back
from the guy who stole it from me this morning. i think his name was
edley or something gay like that

The mysteries deepened...

Found: hundreds of shiny things, some of them beeping
I was looking for a '101 ways to cook a socialist' at the Baileu and
stumbled upon a trolls nest.
Would you believe it, it was full of USB devices, some wallets. elven
swords dating back to the war of Gondolin and a few mobile phones.
I can't ethically keep any of this, and figuring out who the owners are by
digging through my spam would be difficult, so I think i'll have to bury
the treasure again, at least until after I get back from the lonely
mountain.
Please contact me if you have lost anything, because it may well be in the
pile.

Still, personal thought of the issue, it must have something to do with the elephant.

FOUND: Elephant
Hey.

I thought I saw the picture of that elephant at one of the restaurants I
went a couple of hours ago. The elephant on the menu looked exactly the
same as the one in the mail!
I thought it was suspicious, and so I sneaked to the back of the kitchen
and managed to retrieve a piece of the elephant (not sure which part of
the body it is, but it's approximately 1.04237 KG.)
I am curious if there is any reward, since you didn't mention in your mail
if you wanted it dead/alive/ in pieces. Please reply asap before the meat
becomes stale.
Also, if you are thinking of retrieving the remaining parts of your
elephant, I am sorry to inform you that one of the kitchen workers
discovered me, and after that the restaurant installed some really high
tech surveillance. You might need to hire some professional ninja to
retrieve it.

10 years

2007-09-06T19:02:00.000+08:00

Around this time 10 years ago the world was shook with the passing of two women. Both well known in their own rights but the difference in how the media treated the news of their death could not be more telling. One was swift and sudden, but the media furore following it was enormous. From numerous conspiracy theories, the grand funeral, all the scandalous details were written all over the tabloids. In all my 20 years September 11 aside I could not remember any other events that captured the world's attention as much.

You really wonder at how the media is fixated with young beautiful people since their mass exposure in the last few decades. Being famous alone does not certainly warrant a headline. Elvis, Marilyn Monroe, James Dean all are immortalized long after their death. A similar trait runs among them, they died young and left behind beautiful corpses. 10 years on, the world is more likely to remember what happened that week in Paris rather than what happened in Calcutta.

On an unrelated note, I helped out in an exhibition last week. It was located at some obscure corner, and admittedly it was a rather poor turnout despite the interesting concept. Being more apathetic now I could not really care about what happened in Sudan and Morocco, but among those photos displayed in the room there was a running article which I could not identify myself better with. One of the peril of being here for over a year is certainly the occasional simple hard question of "where are you from." I used to give a technically correct answer, but I realize the absurdity of claiming a place where you've no longer known anyone as the place of your origin. On the other hand, it doesn't seem right either to attribute the place where your loyalty does not belong to.

Hearts

2007-09-02T06:58:00.000+08:00

I'm addicted to hearts. Now and then I'm actually opening it whenever there's nothing to do to see if I can shoot the moon.

Time

2007-08-23T00:33:00.000+08:00

Time passed faster as you grow older, sometimes I feel like it is another day wasted. It wasn't too long ago I was sitting in a classroom, and the minutes to the bell felt like a lifetime. Time passed slower then and maybe the fact that I didn't used to wear a watch barring a period of time is kind of ironic. Maybe time passes by quickly when you try to look too far to the destination ahead that when you get there you'll be wondering, "now what?"

N95

2007-08-22T17:35:00.000+08:00

When you used your phone as mp3 player, camera, mini-notepad, alarm clock, occasionally calculator, you can't help but wonder that it's just a matter of time before they remove the phone part from the name. And it was only 5 years ago they had colour, and 10 years ago they were a chunky ugly big black piece of gadget.

Apparently blogger or the updated firefox has spell checker now, and I'm suspecting it's the latter for its showing me a spelling error whenever I typed "firefox" in small caps.

French

2007-07-29T20:19:00.000+08:00

I just realized that French is more similar to english compared to other eropean languages. Well, at least on wikipedia.

Ian Mckellen

And what's Ian McKellen doing in NY out of all places. Looking at the pictures, must be the first time the sofas are out. I never recalled anyone having a sofa when they visit the school, or recalled anyone who visited at all from the top of my head.

Stopping the rot

2007-07-26T22:07:00.000+08:00

Hopefully this will stop the rot. Sometimes old is new, and cant help to think how things have degenerate. From having my own server+own design, to moving to blogspot but still using my own design, to ripping off template and just putting a new image to replace the one on the template. Well, this one is a bit emo but the only one I saved with the images working. Yes, the good old days of editing the template for the archives. To further illustrate how old is this layout, let just say the last comment on the tagboard before I cleaned them out was about Half Blood Prince. Speaking of Harry Potter, after reading Deathly Hallows somehow I cant stop associating Snape with Shylock.

A year and 35 days in between

2007-07-15T18:20:00.000+08:00

A year and 35 days in between and everything comes a full circle. Winter on both ends, with fireworks in between. The winter days do not seem as cold as they were a year ago. That probably signifies certain degree of adaptation. Life comes at 6-7 years cycle for me. Perhaps things might not be much different in the future.

The isp is getting pretty ridiculous, that in any events of malfunction, it immediately becomes the first thing to get blamed. Fair enough that they are blocking the p2p, but it goes beyond that, msn file transder hardly works, ditto with webcam, and probably a whole lot of other stuff which I don't know who I should point the finger at. Remind me again why monopoly is bad.

Holiday

2007-06-24T23:44:00.000+08:00

Hardly ended with a bang. The weather's getting pretty cold and the days getting pretty shorter. Was watching the tv when the news that they are going to ban smoking inside clubs and pubs, which couldn't be a better news to someone who regards smoking as a greater vice than alcohol. Hopefully the days of playing pool, watching football and coming out smelling like an ashtray are numbered.

I wonder how many people liked history while they were in school. Pretty certain that the number of people who loathe them are plenty. How many people are crazy enough to actually watch a documentary about the Moors on sunday night, or going further back, how many people think the prospect of visiting museum is exciting when they were ten.

Exams

2007-06-17T13:57:00.000+08:00

So I have the perfect timetable if it doesnt end so late. More time after the 22nd certainly, although as it is there are more than plenty of time. So I counted five weeks until the next terms, five weeks of winter of no significance happenings. No school, no EPL, no NBA, that I might as well head for hibernation.

Pirates of Caribbean 3 isnt as bad as the reviews made it to be, although the movie suffers from few moments of blockbuster cliches here and there. The maelstorm scene is pretty good although nowhere as hair raising as let say pelennor fields or helm's deep. Now if only they have enough sense to try to stop milking the cash cow and just let it rest. Sometimes more is less.

Music

2007-05-30T17:23:00.000+08:00

I've just realized my ears are constantly listening to music 80% of the time I'm awake these days that complete silence actually feels weird.

Soft Rock

2007-05-22T23:48:00.000+08:00

Best served on cold night. Sometimes I wish I can play more musical instrument than playing some simple notes on piano. Some days (weeks) passed faster than the others, I was thinking how the mid semester break was the halfway point, and I can't recall how the second half has passed in a flash. If anything I think it's pretty bad, since monotony makes things less memorable, and I'm slipping slowly to the oblivion of the cliche the mind is willing but the flesh is weak (or the other way round, or whichever that makes sense).

By the way it's a pretty sight seeing the sun rises in the morning, even sweeter that it came immediately after the Rams went through to the play-off final.

Lack of Inspiration

2007-04-30T00:57:00.000+08:00

Shall the hours pass us by,
Without any words foretold,
Engulfed in desirable voidness,
This not without any reason due.

For sonnets are Shakesperean,
Epic staged tragedies plenty,
Or countless ironic tears,
Masquarading as comedies.

Memories

2007-04-17T20:46:00.000+08:00

This has been abandoned for too long. Fragments of the past have been catching up somehow. It is intriguing how the brain works, capturing selective moments. Recently, those recollections keep coming back. It's like re-reading the various chapters of your incomplete story.

Now for some football history.

Poom, Stimac, Laursen, Dailly, C.Powell, Carsley, Asanovic, Van Der Laan, Wanchope, Baiano, Sturridge.

Derby squad of 97/98 (recalled those off memory), been 10 years, and it all began to a stupid reason, but probably every kid who started watching football chooses their favorite team based on stupid reason. Although at the very least it doesn't have something to do with jurrasic park and dinosaur. It doesn't get a lot harder supporting teams that most of casual fans never heard off. You seldom get to see them on TV even when they were on premiership, let alone now. Still remember that Derby - Arsenal match (FA cup quarter final). What can be worse than losing to an injury team goal to a team you loathe the most in front of your arse supporting brother.

Starry, Starry Night

2007-03-16T21:52:00.000+08:00

Vincent - Don Mclean

Starry, starry night
Paint your palette blue and gray
Look out on a summer's day
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul...
Shadows on the hills
Sketch the trees and the daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills
In colors on the snowy linen land.

Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen; they did not know how --
Perhaps they'll listen now.

Starry, starry night
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze
Swirling clouds in violet haze
Reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue
Colors changing hue
Morning fields of amber grain
Weathered faces lined in pain
Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand.

Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen; they did not know how --
Perhaps they'll listen now.

For they could not love you
But still, your love was true
And when no hope was left inside
On that starry, starry night
You took your life as lovers often do --
But I could've told you, Vincent:
This world was never meant
For one as beautiful as you.

Starry, Starry night
Portraits hung in empty halls
Frameless heads on nameless walls
With eyes that watch the world and can't forget
Like the strangers that you've met
The ragged men in ragged clothes
The silver thorn, a bloody rose
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow.

Now I think I know
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen; they're not listening still --
Perhaps they never will...

High

2007-03-01T23:34:00.000+08:00

They really should ban people who can't sing from singing in public. Never has in my entire life I've listened to singing worse than the sound of dying kangaroo, and to make it worse it was a nice song that was ruined.

Rarrrrrr

2007-02-22T18:04:00.000+08:00

It gets pretty weird having nothing to do. It's kind of crap drinking midori alone. Labrador Park, Ford Motor Factory, Mt Faber, I wish I was there again. On a sidenote what everyone has against Gardens nowadays.

One thing I've realised, I've lost the desire to watch any non-blockbuster mindless movies.

List of movies watched this year:
1. Babel
2. Last King of Scotland
3. Pan's Labyrinth
4. Dreamgirls
5. Letters of Iwo Jima

No 1 was Crash without the melodrama, for good or for bad. No 2, was so-so (starts speaking in african accent). No 3 keeps on growing on me long after the movie. No 4 was ok, though Beyonce doesn't look as good as she is. No 5, to cap it off was the long awaited one.

Anyway, if you're looking for a swimwear head to this place in Cathay (level 3 or 4). They have a cool Borat swimsuit like in the movies, better still it's in pink. Took picture of it, but too lazy to upload it.

Sexy Back

2007-01-22T03:07:00.000+08:00

So, it's all cool to like Justin Timberlake, I might as well make a confession that I bought Justified in 2003 >_< (Up until recently, such revelation can have an adverse effects on the revealed, with milder symptoms include ghastly horror and shock, and a more serious one entails some kind of insomnia followed with a "I don't know you" kind of reply ".

I'm missing Melbourne, althought it gets very hot and very cold sometimes, or concurrently.

Night of My Life

2007-01-12T00:54:00.000+08:00

It's 4 AM, and I'm not at the brink of sleep at all.

Here we are shooting stars
renting time in someone else's space
so unsure afraid to fall
I'm standing here a little scared
but i don't care

Cause this kind of moment
is only on loan and
i wanna remember the look in your eyes
and when it's all over
i want you
to know that i was with you when i
had the night of my life
the night of my life

So don't let go you never know
maybe your whole life's about to change
so let's hold on until it's gone
nothing's made to last forever
who knows whether

this kind of moment
is only on loan and
sometimes you don't know till it passes you by
and when it's all over i want you to know
that i was with you when i had the night of my life

maybe this whole thing comes right down to fate
and every choice that we think that we've made
has put us right here together today, today, today

cause this kind of moment
is only on loan and
it won't be too long till it leaves us behind
and when it's all over i want you to know
that i was with you when i had the night of my life

the night of my life
the night of my life
the night of my life

2007

2007-01-08T22:16:00.000+08:00

There is always this poignant feeling in packing up. My suitcase is on the floor right now, with probably a few shirts inside. Six months might not be a long time, or even a year, but a year removed from school and you really wondered whether it has really been that long. The brains do not store memory continuously, instead they are fragmented pictures and scenes of time passed. Recalling those fragments of yesterday, a week ago, a month ago, a year ago, two years ago, four years ago and beyond, there were always times where I wish I was back in those moments. However, the realization of the present hits you as those moments diminish slowly with time.

It doesn't matter whether you're 20 or 10, fact is you don't turn 20 from 10 overnight. An overnight resolution to become 20 does not make you 20 and to be truthfully 10 is sometimes better than being pretentiously 20.

Bang!!

2007-01-04T10:20:00.000+08:00

Rarrr

2006-12-26T12:34:00.000+08:00

Happy Chistmas, Merry Boxing Day, and Merry New Year.

Some dose of bear porn, and I'm addicted to Lemonade Midori.

First Liners

2006-12-11T16:52:00.000+08:00

So I was bored enough to play 10 random songs and took their first lines off my Itunes. Been stoned these past week. Gotten back exam results, funny how everything's turn alright when everything screwed up during the exams themselves (Sick, calculator dead, typical nervous breakdown, etc). So, FM for the rest of the week, and hope Casino Royale will be good next week.

First liners of 10 random songs (Really doubt anyone can get all 10):

Take these plastic people
Do you worry that you're not liked
You say you wander your own land
Weren't you the one that said,that you don't want me anymore
Says he wants u, he says he needs u
Alone in this house again tonight
Come and hold my hand, I wanna contact the living
I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
So if you're lonely, you know I'm here waiting for you
Hopes, dangles on a string like slow spinning redemption

December

2006-12-05T00:33:00.000+08:00

Snow Patrol - You're All I Have

Train this chaos turn it into light
I've got to see you one last night
Before the lions take their share
Leave us in pieces shattered everywhere
Give me a chance to hold on
Give me a chance to hold on
Give me a chance to hold on
Just give me something to hold on to
It's so clear now that you are all that I have,
I have no fear now that you are all that I have
You're cinematic razor sharp
A welcome arrow through the heart
Under your skin feels like home
Electric shocks on aching bones
There is a darkness deep in you
A frightening magic I cling to.

Things work in funny way sometimes. I've been too lazy/buzy to do a proper entries, maybe somewhere along the way that desire to write has converged into a mere chore. Anyway, some quote from animal crossing: "Mistake and disappointment in life make the sweet in life much sweeter." (Someone please get me wi-fi adaptor btw).

Just a thought

2006-11-22T12:52:00.000+08:00

Whatever can go wrong has been going wrong, like how calculator broke down during QM paper out of all paper. Getting sick just in time when there're exams three days in a row. Something completely unrelated and random:

In opposite directions they move,
The escalators from floor to floor,
Somehow I know in them I'll see,
Many stuffs made up of dreams
Yet isn't it ironic dont you think,
Been running from others all my life,
Yet the simple overlooked truth is,
They've been running away from me,
Since a time I've lost a track of,
In opposite directions they move.

Game Theory

2006-11-09T21:10:00.000+08:00

Cooperation is individually irrational.

Just a random thought for tomorrow (later actually).

Clouds

2006-11-05T11:25:00.000+08:00

Don't know why the clouds seemed to evoke nostalgia. Flashes of memories, places were just rushing in. Nothing as tranquil as watching them sailed past, or do they? Relatively, whether one is the one in motion or if the clouds were the one in motion, it hardly matters at all. Drifting away slowly and further away from view, as the mind wanders away towards temporal darkness. Nothing was as subtly sweet, save perhaps for the face that lay beside.

What's This Life Anyway?

2006-10-23T07:03:00.000+08:00

The most subjective point of view is your own point of view. No matter how hard you try to look objectively, things are always being seen from tinted glasses, one that is reluctantly hard to take off. Self assurances when you probably know them or not and pathetic as they may sound, it's probably gonna remains that way.

These Days - Chantal Kreviazuk

What's this life anyway?
What's it to you and me?
What's it to anyone?
Who are we supposed to be?
Make me a storybook
Write me away from here
I need a different now

Where we can wear each other for awhile
I'll len you my tears if I could borrow a smile
I'll get through tomorrow somehow today
Happy After...

Once upon these days

There's four roads to anywhere
Four ways to everything
We were unbreakable
We spoke our destiny
Let's take a moment out
Go were we never go
Let's make a new world now

Where we can wear each other for awhile
I'll lend you my tears if I could borrow your smile
We'll get through tomorrow somehow today
Happy After...

Chasing Cars

2006-10-15T11:43:00.000+08:00

Freedom is the freedom to say two and two makes four, and everything else follow. Have been a long time since I've read 1984, went to watch the play which was pretty memorable. You dont need complex settings to make a good one, it's rather interesting that the whole story managed to be told in just one single setting.

So this song has been playing in my computer, mp 3, head, dream, etc.

Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
To show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
To show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, They're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Nocturnal

2006-10-09T01:39:00.000+08:00

The nocturnal urge is coming back, not that it's a bad thing. When you have affinity for the night it's just a matter if time before its allure sucks you back in.

So sometimes taking the easy way out might not be the best solution, but maybe the grasses are indeed always greener at the other side. In that case, no matter what sunk costs are incurred there is always bound to be tendency to ponder over it and think that it might be better spent elsewhere. However as always being delusional in believing that there is still a lot of time might be the best solution. Why care to plan at all when there is a huge chance that it will not be followed?

Contacts

2006-10-04T18:08:00.000+08:00

I was putting back my old SIM card today and I actually find a name that I can't remember who. Cycling through those names do bring back memories, sometimes you wonder how certain people are doing and where are they now.

Before this mind wanders away,
Into those labyrinths once more,
Some words wished not to be written,
For they are overly saccharine.

A temporal voice of consciousness,
It speaks clearly and not whispers,
With the wind it rides along. Maybe
In those observant ears it will echo.

If that flight does fall in place,
That tune ever so lovely. Never
Bound to escape and fly away again,
For it has find a nirvana.

Numbers

2006-10-02T16:08:00.000+08:00

The hitchhiker guide to galaxy gives the meaning of life as 42. Probably it isn't that far off seeing how life is a slave to numbers. It's getting tiring really the way we obsess over numbers like a statiscian (probably you can try asking one for the meaning of life).

I wonder the rationale on why some dreams are memorable than the others. I'm not sure if there's any scientific point of view to them, but certainly it's not the sweetest dreams you remember. In fact it seems all the unfinished dreams are the one you remember the most. It is quite amusing though dreaming about the unlikeliest scenarios and the unlikeliest combination of the not so unlikeliest people. It's not what uncontrollable that's the most feared, but rather the reality of it. Maybe just another premonition.

Seagulls

2006-10-01T18:37:00.000+08:00

The last day of the holiday kind of make you feel you are those seagulls. Now if I can fly away.

Sunset Borderline

2006-09-23T22:07:00.000+08:00

There's a kind of bittersweet feeling listening to the computer playing this song as I was waking up in the middle of the night. Truly beautiful.

A simple scent of summer stole my heart for the last dance
The smell of two-stroke petrol from a motorbike we used to have
Those playing fields of cut grass, you know, high school left me kind of blue
Now with every sweet summer breeze I'll be thinking, I'll be thinking, of you

Now I'm waiting for the sunset borderline
'Cos every sun's gotta set with time
But I'll remember those moments for ever more as the days
Where nothing had changed at all.

Found a long lost picture of the car we used to run
Cotton candy coloured paintwork looked so faded in the sun
And that, 6 o'clock sunrise you always used to drive me to
Guess that long lost picture will always have me thinking, have me thinking of you

Now I'm waiting for the sunset borderline
'Cos every sun's gotta set with time
But I'll remember those moments for ever more as the days
Where nothing had changed at all.

So for every little sad sweet love song that's ever sung, I'll be thinking
And for every lost summer's day that ever been and gone, I'll be thinking
Oh, I wonder if you're gonna be, the tear that follows me,
Until that sun is set I guess I'll always be

Waiting for the sunset borderline
'Cos every sun's gotta set with time
But I'll remember those moments for ever more as the days
Where nothing had changed at all.

I tuned into the radio flicking through the stations one by one
Tried to listen through the rain, humming those melodies alone
And I, I remember how you told me, Lennon and McCartney always pulled you through
So as the music fades out I'll be thinking, I'll be thinking of you.

Meaningless

2006-09-20T15:29:00.000+08:00

I still maintain that clubbing is overrated. Where's the fun in drinking something that burns your throat and getting high? When everything is said and done though, it's something of a mindless fun, not really something you'll fully enjoy but still you derive some satisfactions out of it. It's like one of those rubbish songs that eventually grows on you, not sure if that's the perfect analogy but certainly that's the one that comes to mind right now.

I'm examining my perspectives on things in life, and can't help but wondering that in the course of not trying to be hypocritical, I am probably being one myself. I guess pride is the greatest of the deadly sins for a reason. It's good to act on the matter of principle, but one have to think how ridiculous you will look when you start to look at the forest.

Sunset

2006-09-14T16:12:00.000+08:00

Click Here

I was just browsing through my phone gallery the other day and realized how subtle and beautiful the sun's reflection on the water. Maybe someday I'll take one without the clouds. Someday.

5th September

2006-09-06T19:26:00.000+08:00

With regards to the previous entry, just suddenly remembered that around this same time 9 years ago the world has lost another well-known figure. With all due respect to the crocodile hunter, it's rather sad that there hasn't been any briefest mentions, not even by a single person. Of course 9 years into the future, we might go about our lives forgetting the crocodile hunter, but I certainly didn't recall something of this magnitude 9 years ago. Ironic.

Croc Hunter

2006-09-05T20:02:00.000+08:00

It might sounds heartless, but it's seriously getting overboard. I can't recall the last time people were this interested in someone's death (Princess Diana?), up to the point of putting turtles in MSN. It's tragic dying due to freak accident in doing what you love, but people die daily and none of those actually gets any smilies dedicated to them on msn nicks. Don't think there was much hype as this when the pope died.

Maybe animal planet just not my thing.

WTF

2006-08-31T17:11:00.000+08:00

Tevez and Mascherano to West Ham.

One of those WTF moments, someone tell me if April's Fool got moved to September.

Truthful Lies

2006-08-25T20:29:00.000+08:00

Some haiku goodness, words have been reduced to mere meaningless letters nowadays, not necessarily a bad thing.

Rows of lights - blinding,
Turned sideways to see those eyes,
Lovely they glimmer.

Rows of walls - empty,
Turned sideways to see those lips,
Lovely they deceive.

No relation to the above. How easy it is being two-faced, three-faced, and so on? Fear of judgement brings the chameleon out in us. They taught us being a chameleon is pretty good, nope don't think so. At one point in time does it ever wonder what is it actually, except for the remote knowledge that it is a chameleon to keep it sane. Of course if it ever discovered one day that it is not a chameleon, its world crumbles.

Getting warmer...well, slightly.

2006-08-19T19:13:00.000+08:00

So we grow in widths but not depths, how ironic is that when all we want is to find the depth of our lives - well, although that itself is pretty much subjective.

They should start outlawing words limit. It is the greatest form of restriction of self expression and individuality. 500 words?? Management is probably as abstract as you can get to abstract painting. Does it make you wonder that the best of managers are probably some sort of con-artist?

Apparently, blogger has started some tie-up with google. Pretty good thing that MSN sold their soul to microsoft, or else hotmail would be pretty screwed right now. I could care less if not for the fact that out of all my blogs that were moved, conveniently it has to be the one with all the longest posts in them that shows an error.

Life of Pi

2006-08-13T17:44:00.000+08:00

Read it almost 2 years back, but I decided to re-read the ending while popping by Borders yesterday. It's rather interesting that you tend to look at things differently over different periods of time. It's just a mere chapter, but often a chapter could define the whole story. I saw something more than just two endings, but simply a great storytelling. If one would like to define beliefs as the end results of something tangible, they might be slightly mistaken. It takes a leap of faith to believe sometimes, but it's not a giant leap. If what're unanswered exist, and no one can deny that they do happen, why doubt that there is a larger entity behind them.

Grey

2006-08-10T21:28:00.000+08:00

Red badges of courage,
Personal insignias of pride,
Spoils of the triumphant,
The angels' possesions

Red badges of shame,
Personal insignias of evil,
Looted from the condemned,
The devils' possesions

Red badges of courage,
Shed by a shot to be glorified,
The same single shot to shed,
Red badges of shame.

Red Badges of courage,
Red Badges of shame,
Under the same afternoon sun,
The field they painted crimson.

Probably better just by virtue of the subject matter. At least something not trashy.

Je ne sais pas

2006-08-08T14:55:00.000+08:00

Let assume a hypothetical case, a surgeon makes a mistake during the operation and decided to lie to the family that it is not his fault. Is a lie under such circumstances a greater lie than a simple lie that we make everyday? Shall we go further and say is such a lie any better than white lies. Of course it's easy to argue that there are differences in motives, but it is impossible to judge those motives objectively. Even when an objective point of view is being applied, there is certain standard to refer to in determining how some motives are moral than the other. Whoever argued that values are absolute need to realise that values are derived judgements, and they are nowhere near objective.

The only thing certain about life is uncertainty. It is funny that things happened when you least expect it, and they screw up when you expect them to go right. Probably someone should create Murphy's second law and third law, the first one is pretty accurate.

If you ever watched a movie, don't ever watched a sleep inducing one, and definitely not at 11. Watching still shots of a house for a good one minute at this time will drive you to sleep. Anyway, I might be lulled into a false sense of security, but maybe it's not as dangerous as it seems at night. Can only be a good news for a nocturne.

In Silent Reverie

2006-08-03T18:13:00.000+08:00

Some choose to colour their world with colours, I'll do mine in black and white.

Perpetual ramblings of thoughts,
They are near distant occurences.
Countless eyes continously swipe,
Across the blurred words written.

The echoes of the sound inside,
Inside the mind are melodies.
Shuffling down for memories,
just to occupy a a void space.

Along the streets of nostalgia,
wandering along like a vagabond.
Simplicity of life is nothing but,
mesmerised by the street lights.

Like those seraphims they glimmer,
Among the darkness of the night.
Flying in a private sanctuary -
Within, a place so far away.

The blurred words written accross,
Continously countless eyes swipe,
They are near distant occurences,
Perpetual ramblings of thoughts.

.

2006-07-30T19:43:00.000+08:00

i·den·ti·ty
1. The collective aspect of the set of characteristics by which a thing is definitively recognizable or known.
2. The set of behavioral or personal characteristics by which an individual is recognizable as a member of a group.
3. The quality or condition of being the same as something else.
4. The distinct personality of an individual regarded as a persisting entity; individuality.

Globalisation and children of the world, being a bastard has never been this hard.

Drops of Jupiter

2006-07-27T20:07:00.000+08:00

A homage to Drop of Jupiter, possibly one of the loveliest song ever written.

The trail is wearing off, descending down in almost unmatchable speed. Maybe not today and not 76 years ago, but 76 times this planet revolves around the sun maybe she’ll descend. Still, a splendid sight she was, and she will always be. Just like the free fall of a wish maker she falls, but none with her the wishes are granted. All trails leave a certain mark, but hers are one of a beauty beyond any descriptions. Solitude has always been her sole companion, but I do wonder what she saw sometimes.

Jupiter – a Roman god, or in Greek they call him Zeus. Whether it’s because of this the planet is named as such, or because of the planet the god is named as such, I do not care about it much. Fact books will always present it as the biggest planet in our solar system. It also mentions perhaps a little known fact, Jupiter – the planet with most satellites. A belief has it of thunder, Zeus weapon capable of striking this relatively lonely blue planet. Perhaps I’ve seen that thunder, today, and maybe 76 years ago.

With her she took a part of Callisto, the most beautiful of Jupiter’s satellite, well maybe only in name. The name hardly matter, for she waltzed across the Milky Way, sometimes as passionate as the tango, sometimes as graceful ballerina. Such was her capricious nature that even Venus would be jealous of. She continues the waltz and sometimes she left her mark – inerasable on this little place.

The wish maker coveted by many, granting the wish of none, all of them posses a kind of scars, be it a little of all over them. For when you seek you shall find one. It is rather special to find one without any marking in them, that immediately one would be forgiven to think that their existence serves a special purpose. The last one among them, well it was 76 years ago and no one knew what became of it.

If the Milky Way is a stage, the flawless shooting star is the James Dean, and probably she’ll be the Audrey Hepburn or Elizabeth Taylor, whoever you think is greater. They meet. The dance floor adorned with stars, the shooting stars and her entwined. Just for a night, or 76 years for the Homo sapiens in this little planet. None of it of course is visible, but it is a manifestation of the loveliest of imagination. 76 is a mere number, a never-ending number like an amaranthine blooming eternally.

All shooting stars fall. They do.

The saccharine taste of Venus, they don’t last long, each being to follow a destiny. The destiny of a shooting star? To fall. No one shall be spared of their ultimate fate, not even the flawless can hide the fate written in the core of each shooting stars. Flawlessness, it is the cloak of complacency that keeps you warm from the cold reality. Why do men wish upon a falling star? To rejoice upon death as if there is a hope anew with the end. A question that perpetually lingers in his mind, even in this moment, a moment so blissful.

The moment arrives. Life, spent on waiting little moments one after the other, but the big one often comes without any warning. This is how it ends, an abrupt end to a dance. Like shooting stars before him, a free fall beckons. Earth is simply an insignificant place, now a destination for a flawless shooting star. Down below millions wait for the death. Somewhere they see a hope in that, although he’s not to certain about it himself.

Gravity as Isaac Newton discovered, an undertaker for shooting stars, this earth shall be the grave. The burning trails of fire as he passed by the atmosphere, a poignant reminder of her. How she left her trails across the Milky Way. Jupiter - the place where her trails glowed and he was mesmerized by them. Nothing matters more than the slight remnants of memories. Like the drops of rain among the sun, soon to be forgotten. Jupiter, the drops of them are plentiful and she glides absorbing parts of them in her hair – the trail that she left. This is what he remembers. A story to but to an end, and maybe started once more. 76 years, another flawless shooting star will be born.

In Jupiter she’ll wait.

Wednesday

2006-07-26T13:35:00.000+08:00

Life has a funny way of fixing things. It's comical that it takes a screw up just to solve another screw up. Of course it isn't the rainbow yet, but there's always another day. The winter certainly getting less colder these days.

The meaning of life? I can't tell you that beside the highly suspectable answer that it's 42, but isn't it pretty fair to say that whatever life may means, it gets eroded without people that really matters. They may not walk with you throughout, but rather they are the street lamps along your road. Maybe that sounds a little corny, but just let it be.

Some interesting question to ponder, When does World War 2 got called world war 2? If we are at the threshold of the third one, I doubt we'll know. Interestingly, it seems we are excited about it. We call everything major as the start of World War 3, even the currrent conflict.

Prejudice

2006-07-23T14:40:00.000+08:00

I'd love to believe that I am color blind, simply the truth is we are not. It is always questionable morally, but if anyone ever believe that they view everyone as equal, then probably it's just a naive or a politically correct answer. There's a racist, sexist, xenophobic within us that you might wonder if equality is just a superficial word. It all comes down to one reason, it is simpler to do so. Beneath all the prejudices and stereotypes, perhaps there is individuality we overlook because it takes effort to do so.

Hatred is one of the strongest emotion you can ever feel, it is even easier to be more judging when you're objectivity is covered by hatred. It is something understandable, yet condemned. Equality exists only with objectivity of mind, and that means casting all hatred aside (Which is easier to say than do). Maybe then one day we'll be really color-blind.

Far Away

2006-07-21T17:16:00.000+08:00

The lyric of this song doesn't do justice to the song, or maybe all songs are just situational.

Nickelback - Far Away

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there’s just one left
‘Cause you know,
you know, you know

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you’ll be with me
and you’ll never go
Stop breathing if
I don’t see you anymore

One my knees, I’ll ask
Last chance for one last dance
‘Cause with you, I’d withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I’d give it all
I’d give for us
Give anything but I won’t give up
‘Cause you know,
you know, you know

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you’ll be with me
and you’ll never go
Stop breathing if
I don’t see you anymore

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
‘Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
‘Cause I’m not leaving
Hold on to me and
never let me go

Count of Monte Cristo

2006-07-18T16:41:00.000+08:00

Almost shakespearean in term of story, maybe with a happier ending. On a first glance it just screams out Hamlet with all the swords duel. Love, betrayal, vengeance, actions, mistaken identity, secret identity, I guess they all make some good drama.

On an alternate universe, I would be watching Pirates of the Caribbean, maybe eating pop corn (and not finishing them), stare at the ceilings, walls, magic, aimless surfing, maybe pool, and I wonder why I didn't play bowling that often, and not to forget - wasting my life away. Although I guess it's pretty much possible soon. Nothing much to complain so far, except maybe the place feels like a huge refrigerator in the morning and the sun actually sets at 5.

On an unrelated note, is a fresh flower more beautiful than a stale one, no matter how ordinary it is?

Fabio Cannavaro

2006-07-10T12:10:00.000+08:00

This guy is probably made of steel.

Walls

2006-07-09T02:11:00.000+08:00

Bricks, concrete, or any other sturdy structures by any other names. These separate, that the measure of strength is the sturdiness, and weaknesses are the holes that decorate these walls. Presently, there are none. They're good walls. Good, a term debated for its relativity, yet it stands erect, these walls they create a thousand meters distance out of a meter space. I saw nothing but the pattern of concrete, I smell nothing but the smell of fresh bricks, I taste nothing but the frigidness of the air, I smell nothing but the smell of the fleeing freedom. I hear something, a sound so incomprehensible.

1989, if Orwell has proven himself somewhat of a Nostradamus, only with more correct predictions, this is certainly the time. The USSR or shall it cease to be known as a mere Russia, perestroika and glasnost were in full gear. A thousand miles away, a wall stands in the land they once called Prussia. A wall, so simple yet it carries with it significance even stronger than the wall itself. A divide of political ideology so prominent between the western and the eastern blocs. No man stand to be divided and no ideology or politics aside could divide people ultimately. Communism falls. People gathers. The wall falls.

So is the history textbook written. Full of facts overriding the grey matters. 1989, Berlin, Gorbachev, they are mere numbers and names to me. Numbers and names pending to be forgotten. The wall is not. A wall is strong enough to separate a country, nevertheless the multiple of them. The bricks, the coldness, the stillness, the entrapment, they couldn't feel more real. Here in front, lie my own walls. Not Berlin, close enough, yet as far when to take account the distances they separate.

I rest my back. The concrete is cold enough, yet they are still a respite. To lean against the prison cells that trap you - how ironical can one get? What do you call a person who thrives in ironies? Ironizer? Does the lack of the term render them non-existent? Not if ironies are just an attempt to explain comical coincidences. These bricks they're cold, yet for a back in need of a rest a cold back is better than a broken one. Once I used to put an ear close to the wall, trying to decipher the sound. Time wears me down, and it is easier to believe that there is nothing to hear but the sound of nothingness.

Blame it on the wind! A zephyr so gentle on one morning, upon the brush against my tired visage, it invigorates. Wind, the Mediterranean calls them levanter, I call them the breath if life. The wind, they often change their directions, but there are times when they change the directions of those that they blow. I am one.

The faint beats resound.

An ear against the walls justs like spy eaves dropping a conversation. Gradually, the volume picks up. I lean against the wall. It’s nothing that I see. It’s nothing that I smell. It’s nothing that I feel. It’s nothing but I taste. I hear a sound. Beyond these walls that I lean to, a sound distinctively clear - heart beats. These walls are not alive, what beyond it gives it life. A wall so sturdy and unbreakable, but this is enough. The mere sound of heart beats - A sanctuary, to whose heart they belong? It doesn't matter.

Optimist and Pessimist

2006-07-03T15:53:00.000+08:00

The world cup once more, and I am reminded how 12 years ago I would hope that team that I liked would lose so that they'll win. Along the way I realized that, I was hoping that they lose, so that I would not be disappointed. In restrospect, it was dumb. It was something that I could not control. So why even bother? I can't pinpoint exactly when I started hoping that my favorite teams will win, but I grew a little wiser that things that I could not control are not worth worrying about, and things I can control, I'll try to control them as much as I can.

X

2006-06-29T03:18:00.000+08:00

Awaiting dawn's reassuring sight,
The tought of dusk keeps creeping in.
The red sunset could not be seen.
For sleep is never a sin.

The grim thoughts of the past,
They lie dormant not forgiven.
Just like the flight of Poe's raven,
Imprinting fear on emotion.

The morning light has yet to come,
halting the roses' effervescence.
The seeked invigorating essence,
Lost within surrounding silence.

Anticipations lost among the clouds.
The rain invitation, they decline.
Welcoming the Helios shine,
Instead of rainbow so divine.

The scarlet avatar of hope,
Below the streams meander.
Above the skies asunder.
Upon the future I ponder.

.

2006-06-26T22:33:00.000+08:00

Ok, there's no turtle, move along there's nothing to see. Any image of turtle on the edge of a building is just a fragment of your imagination.

MCR

2006-06-22T15:58:00.000+08:00

Some emo stuff, but rather catchy, so here it goes.

My Chemical Romance - The Ghost of You

I never said I'd lie and wait forever
If I died, we'd be together
I can't always just forget her
But she could try

At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever ever...
Ever...

Get the feeling that you're never
All alone and I remember now
At the top of my lungs in my arms she dies
She dies

At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? should I?
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me

Amphibious ambiguans

2006-06-21T18:12:00.000+08:00

If life is a writer, then it is a bad one, with plots as repetitive as Dan Brown writing with less thrillers. You wonder how different everything is, when they are merely the same situation with different exteriors. For the same reason they should find an equivalent of deja vu in every languages, considering the amount of times they are happening. When it comes to the fundamental aspect(s) of life, maybe they are all the same. It transcends logic and boundaries, similar feelings we can identify. A 17 years old foolishness is no different from a 27 years old foolishness, or even 37, 47, 57, that ultimately once you hit the two digits mark you'll be afflicted with it sooner or later.

To end this off, may I quote Newton, "For every action there's an opposite and equal reaction." May the force (but not too much) be with you, for the dark side shall be too compelling. (And may Newton lie undisturbed, left to the forgotten physics notes from here on.)

World Cup

2006-06-15T20:32:00.001+08:00

So far so good, now if only I can somehow get miological clock to suit the timing. The only two times they had goals in injury time, and I fell asleep. To make it worse, I woke up minutes after the game ended. Murphy law in action.

To be forgotten or to be ignored? Which one is worse? Take your poison.

World Cup

2006-06-15T20:32:00.000+08:00

So far so good, now if only I can somehow get my biological clock to suit the timing. The only two times they had goals in injury time, and I fell asleep. To make it worse, I woke up minutes after the game ended. Murphy law in action.

Blog

2006-06-07T19:54:00.000+08:00

If anyone thinks that blog is merely an online diary, they're gravely mistaken. It has growingly becoming a mere statement, or to say it simply a fad. What's the purpose of it in the first place? I'm pretty sure over the time it has strayed from it's original purpose as a place online to write your thoughts, etc. Of course everyone writes, yet as it is a lot of blogs are merely a showcase controlled by the creators. It is merely an narcissitic statement of self, and probably could be likened to clothes. You pick what you wear based not only what you like, but based on what other people think. Does blogging for the sake of having a blog totally defeat the initial purpose of it? I am guilty of this, it is a point of thought whether it is pretentious in writing selective entries when the real thing that is meant to be written is stashed away somewhere else, but I don't care.

Phone Wallpaper

2006-06-05T01:03:00.000+08:00

Made a new one after a long time.

Idol

2006-06-02T01:20:00.000+08:00

Singapore Idol, was watching the result show on the way home and couldn't help thinking how much it was trying too hard to be American Idol. I don't know how different the other idol shows are in other countries, but the element of creativity is definitely lacking. Right down to the style of presentation, at times you couldn't help but wonder that it's just another attempt to copy American Idol without originality, and appears to be of an inferior quality. Suprisingly the only thing that sounded authentic enough were the screams. That being said it's still keep me glued to the tv. Entertainment as it should be, should entertain even if sometimes it is a mere instant gratification. On a sidenote Here Without You is a beautiful song, though probably overplayed.

On a totally unrelated note, I just discovered the phrase a face that launch a thousand ships refers to Helen of Troy. This startling discovery was made after reading The Simpsons. D'oh .

What If

2006-05-31T05:22:00.000+08:00

What if
You wake up one day
The world you live in is a lie
This day you live is the truth

What if
You wake up one day
The name by which you are called
No longer unrecognizable for them

What if
You wake up one day
The faces that you see everyday
Belong to a masquarade party

What if
You wake up one day
The touches that you feel
Are mere accidental brushes

What if
You wake up one day
The love that you always know
Is nothing but foolish emotion

What if
You wake up one day
The dreams that you dreamed,
Dreams you no longer believe

What if
You wake up one day
The life that you know is gone
Fleetingly disappear among yesterday

What if
You're not even alive

Somewhere Over The Rainbow

2006-05-26T02:52:00.000+08:00

Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Katharine McPhee

Somewhere over the Rainbow
Way up high
There's a land that I heard of, once
In a lullaby.

Somewhere over the Rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true

Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds
Are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the Rainbow
Bluebirds fly
Birds fly over the Rainbow
Why then oh why can't I

Somewhere over the Rainbow
Bluebirds fly
Birds fly over the Rainbow
Why then oh why can't I

If happy little bluebirds fly
Behond the rainbow
Why oh why can't I

Da Vinci

2006-05-22T08:33:00.000+08:00

Welcome to the power of hype. Disappointing movie, especially so if you considered that from the queue it seems it is the best movie ever made. The book was pretty good for the a few simple reasons. The puzzles, and the thriller, although it is not a book that you'll read over and over again, it is an enjoyable read. Unfortunately, both are hardly present in the movie. The puzzles are watered down, even to the extent that Leonardo Da Vinci is being mentioned for the sake of being mentioned. Bring on X-Men and POTC I guess.

It seemed to be one of those days. For a reason or another, nothing is going wrong/right (which one is more appropriate, I don't know). Slightly demoralizing I must say.

Tired

2006-05-14T04:47:00.000+08:00

Maybe it has come to this stage, where every entries are written for the sake of being written. It is nothing to be proud of, but I'm trying to point out the reasons. Maybe there are just nothing to write, but that surely can't be the case. There are always something to write, no matter how insignificant something might be. It doesn't even have to be about me. That leaves us with the option of having something to write, but just couldn't be bothered to write it down, or reluctant to write it down. That's far more likely, and I won't elaborate any further. Of course, if I were to tell you some crazy reason, I would have to tell you that too many late nights make it less special. When every days are just like the others, you are just not in the mood to write.

On a totally unrelated note, my stamina is dropping down to an atrocious level. Breathless after merely 10 minutes of half court doesn't sound really good. Of course to top it off, I'm hardly gaining any weight at all.

Lost Apology

2006-05-13T04:34:00.000+08:00

The hardest word to say
Hidden within silence
A word to turn back time
reversing the hourglass

The sand's descending down
Lying in wait for words unspoken
No forgiveness in reservation
Until it falls no more

History

2006-05-05T10:07:00.000+08:00

And if history does shows us one thing, the only thing certain about it is that it will always repear itself. For there is only one story, recycled each time with different actors, actresses and places. The matter of the circumstances involved may seems to differ, yet fundamentally certain patterns are prevalent. A patterns that dictate and explain human behaviours. This concludes that history are merely a showcase of human behaviours through the use of case studies.

Back to FM.

First of May

2006-05-01T14:27:00.000+08:00

The christmas tree was tall, if only i remembered I post the lyric last year that I'm running out of things to say, come first of may. That makes 4 months, the number of months already passed by this year, a third year of the year. Let see what's in store for the second third of the year.

Clouds and Light

2006-04-25T01:42:00.000+08:00

They sway slowly as if never going to fall.

If the clouds move, do it tell you anything? Anything at all, or maybe it is just a mere curtain that shield God from us. Someone used to tell me that we pray to talk to Him, and He waits in his domain called heaven would hear us. Now, I see clouds. No voices I heard, and no angels with halos I see. No, I'm not named Thomas, but if I am I would probably make a great scientist, maybe even more successful that the more famous namesake. 1881, a year forgotten to many, a palindrome for some. Somewhere in Menlo Park, the world came alight. If one were to explain the term golden age, it should carry another new definition. The light is responsible for the glow. For the sun takes care of this in the day brilliantly, and the moon does so less brilliantly in the night (albeit with the aid of the sun). 1881, light was no longer a celestial object.

Long before space agencies pay tribute to Galileo, Galileo was a breathing man, as alive as the next man to me he was. In the age where science was Godless, the idea of dissecting the heaven was as blasphemous as Judas betrayal. The relationship between man and heaven is an alluring one. Jupiter, Venus were once gods to the Romans. Long before the perpetual debate whether there's water in Mars, or whether some peculiar creatures dropped the pyramids, what is believed to be lumps of rocks and other minerals now were once revered. Intriguing to say the attraction that the heaven possesses, or maybe it’s just darkness. The fact that darkness engulfs the azure blue.

Darkness falls.

Sirius, the brightest star, yet the brightest of the brightest shine pale in brightness compared to the star that lights the day. If I were to invent a spaceship, it is a mere 8.6 light years away from those clouds I admire. If we were fascinated by the star that illuminate the day, it is only natural for us to seek the stars that adorn the night. 8.6 light years beneath those clouds would there be a star burning bright, with rocks orbiting it, and an alternative source of light. Curiosity is what driven us to seek the truth, and maybe I will. If not the mere fact that 8.6 light years would equate to several lifetimes. That makes our current daystar as good as irreplaceable.

Light, it's association as divine. If the darkness were the entity feared that prompts us to seek the light, the discovery of light would sway us away from that very same light. The world often works based on irony, that probably they shouldn't even make it a term. For there are too many ironies in the world, and too little normality, that soon normality itself would be an irony. It is also ironic that a man with the same name invented the light bulb, much in the very same way that one could easily argue that the first scientist was among the midst of the apostles. Does artificial light bring the skepticism in us? Doubt arises sometimes, not because of the lack of existence, but because the existence of another being that supposedly able to rival the very thing we seek to prove.

The power of light that repels darkness, it is often observed that darkness does not exist with the presence of light. Like the many clouds up above, one could interpret it as an elephant, while it might just be another bunch of cotton wool to me. The importance of light, even an artificial one, do they not engulf darkness? Why the resentment then? Unfathomable to say the least. Today I walked along the pavement. The skies are getting dark, the clouds are getting dark, the world is getting dark, but somewhere a light shines. If my admiration for the ambiguous nature of the clouds shall stop here let the light be a new object of that admiration. I looked up.

Slowly the water falls.

Birds of Paradise

2006-04-24T08:16:00.000+08:00

The Lost Among the Grasses

2006-04-15T01:40:00.000+08:00

And so it was raining
Just like that day
And so they said
So I am here
Somewhere else
A place for me
Anywhere else
Where I should be
Though it should not be

So I believe
In no order
Though life's aimless
Devoid of directions
The space between,
Empty as they should
As it has been
Nowhere to be seen
I still believe

Moon

2006-04-14T00:02:00.000+08:00

I guess I can get used to this life. Life has never been slow and meaningless as now. I simply do not feel the desire to resist the inertia of idleness, and neither has external circumstances force me to overcome it. Idlesness sets u thinking and you start to realise that at times ignorance might just be the remedy that you need to deal with the greater aspect of life. Unfortunately, no one can stop you from thinking.

Chess, Dissension pre-release, something to look forward to. Although of course this does not come free. At least I'll hope I'll make full worth of my money. Time to make up for the lost time for the latter, and lets hope I'll get something good from the boosters.

Also, on a sidenote the moon emits a strange like rainbow like glow tonight.

The Gathering

2006-04-05T23:49:00.000+08:00

My past is catching up with me once more. After almost 2 1/2 years I'm dusting off my decks and playing Magic once more. Truly ironic to think that it only took a simple case of playing a game to get me back. I used to tell myself that I'll keep those cards and maybe sell them off one day. On second thought maybe not anymore, looking back at them they carry a certain sentimental value. I guess a value that override the amount of money I'll get from selling them off. As for now, my elf deck is waiting.

Knowledge

2006-04-03T01:20:00.000+08:00

The mind wanders in wilderness
Myriad answers it tries to seek
Of which the questions remain unknown
The feared bound to be revealed

Beyond my eyes I try to see
A deeper meaning it may hold
A life transcends its shallowness
The mind casts away its worthlessness

Yet among those queries I asked
I wonder always when it wanders
The lack of faith is disturbing
Trying to confront the fearful

Freedom

2006-03-28T00:07:00.000+08:00

So again and again, you'll always be reminded that sometimes your existence is determined by the working of a larger force. If there were to be a reason why things happened, blame it on circumstances. Maybe you wouldn't have existed in the first place had there been a small alteration in circumstances. The way life falls in place in a certain way. In the first place, it might be just one of the many possibilities how it might have turn out. The myriad possibilities of circumstances, yet there can only be one that govern the present. Well, maybe if you believe in alternate universe, you will find different set of circumstances altogether. Fate or destiny (as one may euphemise it, can you really deny this existence).

If this post is never written, or had I decided to write on how purple Barney is, would you be thinking about this right now? If I had written this still, and you decided not to read it, would you be thinking about this now? Maybe you would be thinking about that last song you heard, or that last sentence someone had said.

Still, freewill exists within constraints. The cards have been dealt, yet there are different ways to play them. One could likened it to a butterfly being trapped in a box. It might think itself as free to roam about, but from our point of view (our rather omniscient point of view), we know it's not. Remove the butterfly, and put yourself in the box. It's pretty much debatable whether you are free in the first place. The conciousness that freewill exists will only remain until the butterfly fly into one of the wall surrounding the box. Of course, some boxes are bigger, some are smaller, but ultimately, we're still inside.

I See a Darkness

2006-03-25T21:14:00.000+08:00

I See a Darkness - Johnny Cash

Well, you're my friend
And can you see
Many times we've been out drinking
Many times we've shared our thoughts
Did you ever, ever notice, the kind of thoughts I got
Well you know I have a love, for everyone I know
And you know I have a drive, for life I won't let go
But sometimes this opposition, comes rising up in me
This terrible imposition, comes blacking through my mind

And then I see a darkness
Oh no, I see a darkness
Do you know how much I love you
Cause I'm hoping some day soon
You'll save me from this darkness

Well I hope that someday soon
We'll find peace in our lives
Together or apart
Alone or with our wives
And we can stop our whoring
And draw the smiles inside
And light it up forever
And never go to sleep
My best unbeaten brother
That isn't all I see

Marbles (Part 1)

2006-03-21T23:56:00.000+08:00

In the beginning God created marbles. Some were blue, some were red, some were of colors unnamed (simply for the fact that there are too many colors). Of course no marbles would be neat without a box, and through an unanonimous decision, the marbles decided to drag their non-existent legs to the box. Time goes by, and the marbles grew in numbers (marbles being marbles), and without question the box became smaller.

As fate would have it, the marbles decided that new boxes were of a grave necessity. Unfortunately, no two boxes came in the same size and colors. Soon the marbles find themselves different boxes of blue, red, and many other colors unnamed. Some marbles even decided that modifications such as decoration and a brand new name for each boxes were needed. It would be impossible though to put blue marbles in blue boxes, red marbles in red boxes, as such the marbles decided on a temporary random arrangement. The marbles thus live a happily ever after life though the fact that what's after ever was still a big enigma.

In a plot twist that's not usually present in fairy tales, the peaceful co-existence of the marbles was threatened. By some fateful coincidences, a hungry giant box decided to devour the myriad of boxes of red, blue and others color unnamed. For once in the not too long history of marbles, the marbles were under a giant box, a giant box of idealism, hope and everything else sugar coated. The marbles, upon this realization, began to climb out of their boxes and interacted within the big giant box.

Attractions

2006-03-19T21:18:00.000+08:00

It's very much illogical despite what you might think. The most basic form of attraction is very much logic-defying. If you were to compile a list to what attract you to someone else, a good chance it'll be a pretty long list. How many of such criterias are truly present in the case of attraction. Sometimes there are none. Assuming that the mind is working logically while compiling the ideal list, to be attracted to someone who doesn't fulfill the ideal criterias is illogical.

Of course the illogical part of it is temporary, one could even say that they are fleeting. Whether one would take a look at scientific explanation of attraction or the philosophical take on it, it's is agreeable that such illogical attractions are ephemeral in nature. This is on the basis that human always seeks the logical way whether by thought of instinctively. As such, there will come to a point where the logical mind will take over the illogical and the feasibility of such attractions are re-evaluated.

Moving on to the next phase, the logical side of us will start trying to find fault with the initial illogical nature of attraction. Our minds are playing a subsconcious devil's advocates by the use of reasoning. At this point, how things progress depend on whether one is a realist or an idealist. It is to be noted though that for both different groups, the logical mind will still play a part. It's the ways they are handled that differ. A realist would listen to his/her own logic, whereas an idealist would ignore his/her own voices of reasons.

Coincidences

2006-03-15T23:47:00.000+08:00

Not impossible just improbable, to quote Hitchiker Guide to Galaxy. If coincidences defy the odds, it must be noted that they are merely not following the majority of probabilities. However there are probabilities that a certain events might fall under the minority of such probabilities. Therefor it's implausible to dismiss coincidences based on the argument of slim mathematical probabilties. Improbable not impossible.

Speaking of coincidences, I was browsing through a book (The Book of Laughter and Forgetting). What are the chances that you flip the page to the one talking about the same thing that you're thinking. It happened.

Equation

2006-03-12T22:51:00.000+08:00

For a little dose of irony, too much free time = bad.

Excess free time = excess choices
excess choices = excess time deciding
excess time deciding = less time enjoying
less time enjoying = less time blogging
less time blogging = this entry

Misinterpretation

2006-03-04T22:00:00.000+08:00

I just read my previous entry once again just now, and the whole thing comes out differently to the intended meaning. Truthfully, it has been directed towards someone, although probably in effort to soften it up, it appears as I was writing about myself.

And btw, a song resembling a hybrid between Coldplay and Lifehouse

Nada Surf - Inside of Love

Watching terrible tv
It kills all thought
Getting spacier than
An astronaut
Making out with people
I hardly know or like
I can't believe what i do
Late at night
I wanna know what it's like
On the inside of love
I'm standing at the gates
I see the beauty above
Only when we get to see
The aerial view
Will the patterns show
We'll know what to do
I know the last page so well
I can't see the first
So i just don't start
It's getting worse

I can't find my way in
I try again and again
I'm on the outside of love
Always under or above
Must be a different view
To be a me with a you
Of course i'll be alright
I just had a bad night

A Level

2006-03-02T09:00:00.000+08:00

I did not intend to blog about this, but anyway not really happy with it. What's more vexing would be what comes with it though. I must have one of the most dysfunctional ever. Probably this is just a build up over the years, from the low expectations bordering insulting. If it's not bad enough, there's the hypocritical fact that all the C's are always my fault and all the A's are never credited to me. For that reason I've never told all my grades anymore unless asked.

Munich & Constant Gardener

2006-02-26T22:18:00.000+08:00

Something else to write finally. Probably underappreciated, although maybe Munich should receive plenty of publicity being Steven Spielberg movie and all that. Not really your dose of fairy tale, but something that justify your seven or eight bucks. Both won't leave you with a feel-good kind of feelings after watching it though.

Constant Gardener - One of the benefit of going into a movie with a zilch knowledge of what you're going to watch. Excessive flashback used, not to the most powerful effect since it's rather pointless, maybe pretty much confusing initially. Nice ending though, and probably the only exception to the flashback rule. I shall not spoil much.

Munich - Based on true story, which in standard holywood language would probably means based on a true story only raunchier and overexaggerated. Well, maybe not so much on the violence part, although the former is probably quite true. Pretty graphics, although if you're willing to overlook that it's a really good movie.

Ignorance is Bliss

2006-02-24T00:36:00.000+08:00

Ignorance is bliss, well sometimes, even if eventually time will still move on.